Adoption

“You’re pregnant!” No matter what, those words are sure to cause emotion upheaval. For a married couple hoping for the blessing of children, the news that a baby is on the way is one of the most joyous, wondrous events that life has to offer. However, if you’re unmarried, a pregnancy may well be some of the worst news you’ve ever received. You may feel alone, scared, and overwhelmed about the decisions you need to make.

At some point in the next few months, you will be deciding who will raise this precious new life. Be assured that your baby is not an “accident.” Like it or not, all actions have some kind of consequences. And one of the natural consequences of sexual activity is pregnancy. Whether or not you think this is fair, you do have the power to take what life has handed you and bring good out of it. Deciding whether to raise your baby as a single mother or ti make an adoption plan is one of the first decisions you’ll need to think about….

Many people have a misleading idea of adoption. They have heard harsh stories of newborn babies being ripped from their mother’s arms and placed with strangers. Many young women think, “How could you go through life never knowing what happened to your child?” Adoption is very different today than it was even twenty years ago. You have the right to select your baby’s parents, meet them, and even keep in touch over the years. These changes have made the adoption option much easier to consider.

There are many reasons to consider adoption. Maybe you know in your heart that you can’t take care of your baby. There’s not enough time, money, or help. Maybe you already have children and one more baby would be too much stress on you. Perhaps you are just afraid and want to know more about this choice.

The good news about your situation is that there are many loving couples who would love to be parents, but can’t be due to infertility. They are waiting for someone like you—a person that wants to give a baby life, and share that baby with them. They want to love you and your baby, and provide a strong and stable environment where your child can flourish.

You are doing the right thing by researching this option. You can get started by looking at some common questions listed below. We also would love to discuss this and other options with you at The Center.

Adoption FAQ*

• Can I choose the family of my baby?
Yes! Most agencies have many adoptive couples who have been studied and approved. You might also want to choose a friend or someone recommended to you.

• How much contact can I have with my baby after the birth and after adoption?
You can spend as much time with your baby at the hospital as you choose. When you are planning your child’s adoption, you can choose an open adoption plan that allows ongoing visits, or you can choose a less open adoption that keeps you informed through letters and photos. If you prefer not to have any contact, confidential adoption is also possible.

• How soon after birth can my baby go to the parents I choose?
The timing of your child’s placement depends on your preference, legal aspects, and the role of the birth father. Many mothers want their baby placed with the adoptive family directly from the hospital, while others choose interim care while they consider their adoption decision.

• How much will my child know about me?
Regardless of the type of adoption plan, you will want to provide a thorough social and medical history for your child. If you develop an adoption plan that includes ongoing contact, your child will know about you directly.

• It would make me feel so sad! I can’t do that!
That emotion is so normal for the circumstances. Carrying a baby for nine months involves bonding, so separation is obviously going to be painful. Adoption can truly be heart-breaking on many levels. But, it also holds hope. It offers a future for your child which you can feel good about for the rest of your life. You can be proud of the power you have to make the dreams of the adoptive couple come true. In fact, you should know that adoption in general does not cause long-term grief for the birth mother. Studies show that teenage mothers who place their children for adoption have overall greater satisfaction in their lives—in their work, finances, and relationships. They are also more optimistic and the future and less likely to suffer from depression. So, while sadness is a real issue, it will become less intense as time goes on, especially when you are confident your child is well cared for.

• Does the expectant father have rights?
Both you and the expectant father have rights. If you disagree about adoption or you no longer have a relationship with him, your agency will work with him and/or the courts to determine his rights. 
 
• Can my child find me if he or she wants to search someday?
Searching would only be necessary if there has not been ongoing contact. The law in your state determines when and how your child may access the information in the adoption file, which your caseworker can explain.

• How can I be sure that my child will be well cared for?
There are standards that every prospective adoptive family must meet which are set by both the agency and the state where they live. Families are thoroughly assessed before being approved for adoption, and a caseworker will make visits to the adoptive family after placement to ensure your child’s well-being.

• Do I need an attorney, or do I pay my agency to assist me with the adoption?
Most agencies provide services to you at no cost. If you do need an attorney, usually those costs are paid by the adoptive family.

• Can I get help with medical and living expenses while making an adoption plan?
Assistance with medical and living expenses is available through many agencies. Check with your caseworker for details.

• Shouldn’t I take responsibility for my actions?
It is admirable to have the attitude that you should accept the consequences of your own behavior. But, placing a baby in a loving home is not avoiding responsibility. Honestly evaluating the factors in your situation that would impact a child would be smart on your part. This includes things like your financial picture, educational possibilities, stability in relationships, commitment to and from the baby’s father and your long-term chances for successful parenting. Choosing a family that will be able to give your child the ideal upbringing--that very upbringing you want for her--is caring on your part. What could be more responsible?

• I want someone to love me. Wouldn’t a baby be the answer to that?
Everyone wants to be loved. Of course it is tempting to see a baby as someone who could fulfill that genuine need in you. But, you have it backwards. Parenting is about self-sacrifice, focusing on the child’s needs and giving freely without expectation of receiving anything back. Yes, children often love in return. Yet, their role in life is not to make their mothers feel special, as any two-year-old having a tantrum will show you. However, there is Someone who loves you unconditionally and longs for an ongoing relationship with you: the Creator of both you and your baby. Here is more about the story of God’s love for you and about the rescue He offers from our sins, our fears, and our messed up lives….

*Questions and answers taken from Bethany Christian Services pamphlet “Ten Questions Expectant Mothers Ask About Adoption” and Heritage House’s “Ten Reasons I Don’t Want to Place My Baby for Adoption”